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Having spoken to more than one hundred massage therapists in the last year, I was interested to discover that almost all of them had encountered clients who requested some form of sexual activity as part of their massage sessions. With experiences ranging from non-verbal pelvic motion to requests for “happy endings”, a small percentage of their clients had let them know that they would welcome sex if it were offered.

After hearing such a wide range of experiences, it occurred to me that there is a need for more discussion among massage therapists as to how to handle situations in which sex is brought up during a massage. The purpose of this article is to openly address these issues and offer creative alternatives to guarded responses.


Client confusion
A client may request sexual favors during a massage based on an unclear idea as to what is being offered. Perhaps one of the client’s friends told him/her that he had sex during his massage with someone else. Or perhaps the client had a massage in another country where sex was a normal part of the session. Perhaps a massage is done in such a loving or sensual way that the client misunderstands the therapist’s intentions.
There are many ways for a client to become confused as to the role of sexuality in a massage. That confusion, however, can be cleared up with a sign, a written disclosure statement or a verbal statement, such as, “Although massage is sensual, please do not confuse that for being sexual. In no way will I perform acts of sex with you during our session. I want to be clear so that you are not confused as to what is possible.” Setting things straight at the beginning of a massage can eliminate embarrassing requests based on false assumptions.

There are also ways to minimize bringing in clients who are unclear about the boundary between sexuality and massage. For instance you could only accept clients who are referred by people you know rather than taking those who call from a newspaper or Yellow Pages ad. If running a print ad is essential to your business, I would recommend that you place the ad in a healing journal rather than a regular newspaper. Regardless of how clients find you, it’s imperative that you make your boundaries clear before the session begins. Without clarity, neither party can fully relax.

Draping is another way to send messages to clients. If draping is done in a careless fashion, exposing the genitals during certain moves, clients could possibly read this as an invitation. If therapists take care to cover the genital area and avoid inadvertent contact with that are, they are sending a message that sex is not included in the massage. That being said, the clearer boundaries are to begin with, the less the therapist has to rely on draping as the sole indicator that the massage is not to be a sexual one. This can lead to a fixation on the draping that takes away from the flow and connection between the therapists and the client.

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